Tension

Got my first workout in today in three days. Took Sunday off because of the snow . . . no big deal there. Monday was a victim of circumstances: one “must do” thing led to another and my first free time was at 4 pm and I had to be home by 5. Today looked to be going the same way. I wanted to get in 11 miles today. The streets and sidewalks were still too snowy to run on. At work one task kept leading to another. I got breathing time at 3:30 and had to teach a class at 5. If I were going to get a workout in this was the only time. By this point 11 miles got plea bargained down to getting in as many miles as I could and still be ready to teach at 5. The sentence ended up being a beat-the-clock six-miles treadmill run in 38:18. This allowed me to make it to class with 5 minutes to spare. Could have got in another half-mile.

On the Philly Runners discussion board (www.phillyrunners.org) someone posted a message about what motivates us to run in this, the darkest, coldest time of the year. This question swam around in my mind during my run and since then. However, the more I think about it the more the question doesn’t fit right. There is no answer to this question. It’s not any answer that keeps me going, it’s the process. The tension between what I’d like to do and the mileage I actually get done. I struggle with this everyday. Some days (like last Saturday) I think I get a bead on it and next thing I know its Tuesday and I’m staring at the prospect of three days off.

Today I got in the best workout I could, but I wanted more. I got some consolation by making up for lost distance with added intensity. But now I’ll be scrambling for opportunities to make up mileage over the rest of the week. It’s hard when it snows but it helps to have options, and I am making my peace with the treadmill (and will write about that someday). It helps to be flexible, and although my job keeps me busy it also allows me opportunities for midday workouts. And it helps to realize, to paraphrase an old Rolling Stones song, that while I can’t always get what I want generally I get what I need. But I think the biggest motivator for me to run is taking on that tension, to where it feels like a running partner that I sometimes get a lead on but never can shake, never can get so far ahead of that I can’t hear the breathing behind me.

And so I write this tonight with part of my mind plotting tomorrow’s workout. The snow is still there, making it too slushy and slippery to be tramping around in the pre-morning darkness. But I’ll wake up at my running time and work, and then take those hours and trade them for some treadmill time in the morning. First thing, 8 a.m. Before the rest of the day can snatch that from me.