This morning I was looking for a workout to clear out some cobwebs. I know it is a bit too close to Broad Street for such a workout, and I know I'm not in training mode yet so anything I did would be ad hoc. But my life feels out of balance right now and for an hour or so all I wanted to do was lose myself in running.
So I went out to the track.
Last night at Graterford we had a good discussion on a book called Prison Masculinities, an edited book about "doing" or "negotiating" masculinity in a prison setting. I was not impressed with the book, as in many cases the authors unnecessarily impose masculinity on topics that stand fine on their own. One of those topics was sports and the various meanings associated with participating in sports both in and out of prison, but while the book was mediocre, it did lead to a conversation that was anything but, one which brought out alot of insights from the inside guys in the group about keeping a sense of manhood in an environment constructed to obliterate it in many ways.
Taking a little piece of this to something I know a bit more about, running on the track is one of the more conventionally "masculine" aspects of training. There is a fixed amount of distance to dominate in a fixed amount of time. Its the runner against these temporal and linear constraints, but it quickly becomes the runner against his/her internal constraints. If done right, the runner comes right up to the precipice of his/her abilities, looks into the chasm beyond, and keeps pushing forward.
I saw this last week at Penn Relays, at the finish of the distance heats, where runners would finish and drop to the ground from exhaustion. I turned to Kevin and said, that's what I want to do after my next 5k - cross the finish line and no longer be able to stand. Mike sent me the cult classic book Once a Future Runner, which I'm reading few a few chapters at a time before bed, in which there is a famous passage that comes after one of the main characters finished a cross country race:
Cassidy could not speak; his eyes bulged insanely, breaths came in greedy rasps and his face was a splotchy violet color. "Yack!" he said, trying to straighten up. It was too soon; back to the hands-on-knees death grap, fetal rest of the totally blown-out runner. The white haze had thickened into a heavy fog; he felt faint but knew his conditioning held all horrors at bay except in extreme heat. These were the worst few seconds and he understood better than anything ellse that like the tail fin, the Nehru jacket and the republic itself, they too would pass. The drained elation, special property and reward of those who have been to the edge and back, would come later. But for now he had a while longer to hurt. . .
Copying this passage brings insights that I don't get while I read this, but I can't say I was there yet on the track this morning. I decided to do four 1600 meter repeats (with an option to do a fifth) and shoot for doing them in 5:20, a time I deliberately set below what I knew I could realistically sustain. First rep in 5:19 and I was sucking air in a major way, second rep I didn't know if I was going to make it (i.e., finish). Legs felt okay, its the sucking for oxygen combined with intense anxiety and a sudden overwhelming tiredness that I had to blow through to get a 5:20. I was as close to being totally blown out as I ever was, I looked down into the chasm and then retreated. Couldn't push it for the third rep, mentally I lapsed repeatedly and fell to 5:28. By the fourth rep the edge was no longer in sight and the urgency to keep my time down had faded. It was somewhat consoling to pull out a kick in the last 200 meters, but this only kept me at 5:40. Given that I exercised my option not to do the fifth rep and cooled down on the run home.
I think the mistake I make when I do these workouts is thinking that running "speed" on the track will somehow make me faster in a race. Tougher yes, faster maybe but that's not so important. The point is that the track is mostly mental conditioning. Zatopec running endless 400 meter reps is the prototype here. And maybe there are other types of workouts that can simulate this extreme mental exertion, but I haven't come up with one yet. Either way, I'd like to incorporate more of this into my workouts.
For as much as I hate doing the workouts, there is something alluring in the "drained elation"that I'm full of right now. Especially on a day like today.
So I went out to the track.
Last night at Graterford we had a good discussion on a book called Prison Masculinities, an edited book about "doing" or "negotiating" masculinity in a prison setting. I was not impressed with the book, as in many cases the authors unnecessarily impose masculinity on topics that stand fine on their own. One of those topics was sports and the various meanings associated with participating in sports both in and out of prison, but while the book was mediocre, it did lead to a conversation that was anything but, one which brought out alot of insights from the inside guys in the group about keeping a sense of manhood in an environment constructed to obliterate it in many ways.
Taking a little piece of this to something I know a bit more about, running on the track is one of the more conventionally "masculine" aspects of training. There is a fixed amount of distance to dominate in a fixed amount of time. Its the runner against these temporal and linear constraints, but it quickly becomes the runner against his/her internal constraints. If done right, the runner comes right up to the precipice of his/her abilities, looks into the chasm beyond, and keeps pushing forward.
I saw this last week at Penn Relays, at the finish of the distance heats, where runners would finish and drop to the ground from exhaustion. I turned to Kevin and said, that's what I want to do after my next 5k - cross the finish line and no longer be able to stand. Mike sent me the cult classic book Once a Future Runner, which I'm reading few a few chapters at a time before bed, in which there is a famous passage that comes after one of the main characters finished a cross country race:
Cassidy could not speak; his eyes bulged insanely, breaths came in greedy rasps and his face was a splotchy violet color. "Yack!" he said, trying to straighten up. It was too soon; back to the hands-on-knees death grap, fetal rest of the totally blown-out runner. The white haze had thickened into a heavy fog; he felt faint but knew his conditioning held all horrors at bay except in extreme heat. These were the worst few seconds and he understood better than anything ellse that like the tail fin, the Nehru jacket and the republic itself, they too would pass. The drained elation, special property and reward of those who have been to the edge and back, would come later. But for now he had a while longer to hurt. . .
Copying this passage brings insights that I don't get while I read this, but I can't say I was there yet on the track this morning. I decided to do four 1600 meter repeats (with an option to do a fifth) and shoot for doing them in 5:20, a time I deliberately set below what I knew I could realistically sustain. First rep in 5:19 and I was sucking air in a major way, second rep I didn't know if I was going to make it (i.e., finish). Legs felt okay, its the sucking for oxygen combined with intense anxiety and a sudden overwhelming tiredness that I had to blow through to get a 5:20. I was as close to being totally blown out as I ever was, I looked down into the chasm and then retreated. Couldn't push it for the third rep, mentally I lapsed repeatedly and fell to 5:28. By the fourth rep the edge was no longer in sight and the urgency to keep my time down had faded. It was somewhat consoling to pull out a kick in the last 200 meters, but this only kept me at 5:40. Given that I exercised my option not to do the fifth rep and cooled down on the run home.
I think the mistake I make when I do these workouts is thinking that running "speed" on the track will somehow make me faster in a race. Tougher yes, faster maybe but that's not so important. The point is that the track is mostly mental conditioning. Zatopec running endless 400 meter reps is the prototype here. And maybe there are other types of workouts that can simulate this extreme mental exertion, but I haven't come up with one yet. Either way, I'd like to incorporate more of this into my workouts.
For as much as I hate doing the workouts, there is something alluring in the "drained elation"that I'm full of right now. Especially on a day like today.
posted by seebo | 10:52 AM
2 Comments:
I think it's "Once a Runner," though "Once a Future Runner" is great. It's like the line that is Al Gore's standard introduction these days, "I'm Al Gore, the Former Next President of the United States." Sigh.
Anyway, great post. Why is it the hardest runs always make for the best writing?
thanks to you, ian, i made myself laugh. you are right on the title, but i'll leave it up as it is.
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